Stolen from AMH97.

These are 10 things/memories/whatever that make me hopeful. So I'm going to share them with you.
(original amh97.deviantart.com/art/10-pi…)

1- Recovery.  When I see or hear about people recovering from depression, eating disorders, abuse, addiction, self harm, anything... it makes my heart just throb.  I think of nothing but trying to keep myself from crying tears of joy.  Even if they are trying for the millionth time to recover, I still wish them nothing but the best and wish they never stop recovering.  That time might be the time that you can say in two years "I have been cut, drug, puke, hit, ect. free for two years."  :thumb272089393:

2- The butterfly project.  Nothing makes me happier then to see others reach out and want desperately for others to stop harming.  I frequently draw butterflies over my cut even before I knew specific people that cut, just for everyone else in the world that goes through that pain.  You are not alone.  <3.

3- Jake and Kevin.  Proof that any relationship can work out.  Jake is going to wait 11 years for this boy and he promised himself that if Kevin chooses someone else, he would let him go, but never, ever stop loving him.  20 years apart and both boys, but Jake is willing to take all the ridicule... for his love.

4- Theresa.  The memories of my mother make me hopeful.  She reminds me that there are angels on Earth, you just have to look for them.  She even brought out the good in my father and that's just borderline magic.

5- Nature.  Have you ever seen anything so pure and calming as nature?  Even after a forest fire, life sprouts, beautiful and ready to take on the world.  Nothing bothers nature and I am envious.  Standing in the middle of a forest, seeing the tranquility gives me hope because it reminds me that even though we have tiled most of the world in concrete, there is still hope for the future generations.

6- Change.  Watching people change is something that... astounds me.  Sure, people can change for the worse, but I see mostly good change.  To see an abusive father hug his son, to see a bully say she's sorry, to see a badly broken horse allow a boy to pet him...  What is more hopeful?

7- Breaking boundaries. Big surprise, many muslims don't like us either.  No, not every one is a terrorist, very few are in fact, but they hate us because we hate them.  But... they are the bad guys?  Well, two lone boys sit together at lunch, lone no more.  Friends.  Outcasted together.  One wears a turban, one wears scars, but we all bleed red inside.  Nothing is like watching a black girl and a white girl hold hands and call themselves 'sisters', color blind to race.  Nothing is like hearing of the new age Romeo and Juliet, forbidden to be together because of religious background, run away from home and live happily together forever.  Nothing is like blind friendship and love.

8- Simple gestures.  Saying hello to someone that is all by themselves, giving five dollars to a homeless man instead of buying a triple XL latte you really don't need, saluting a soldier who went through hell to keep you safe.  Things I always see, people passing up these opportunities, but when it does happen... how can you not smile?

9- A smile.  Smile are worse the colds.  Contagious in seconds and they can stay with you all day.  God is odd like that, making such a creation.  Now... don't get me started on yawns.

10- The fact that I could make this list.  Despite being in a pretty low depression at the moment, I can pull out enough happy thoughts up to make a list of ten things that make my heart flutter.  That should bring you hope.  Hope is like a smile.  God's odd, extremely contagious, creation.

Try it.  I dare you.

Now... today... a bit less happy.

The nurses plotted against us.  Today, in group, Makenzie sat next to me and everyone talked about their feelings and blah, blah, blah.  I did not talk about my recent depression because I need to get out.  I saw Makenzie keep looking at the boy next to her, and the boy kept shrugging.  Since like all the anger goes to Nancy, Makenzie was more or less just confused, as was I.  I did not get what was going on.  I saw what he was doing.  Pulling her hair.  I was going to say something but Nancy came out with a scream and a punch at the boy.  The counselor excused the rest of the group (since we were only a minute short of being done anyway) and I saw the boy go to my favorite nurse.  They talked and she nodded.  She told him to draw out Nancy.  Wow Rosie.  So, I would not talk to her about Nancy, so she goes and does this.  Nancy stood up and took a step at the approaching counselor but I grabbed Nancy's arm.  She turned around and slapped me.  Now, Nancy does not slap like you might think.  No.  She thought of the most painful way to slap.  To claw at you with her perfectly manicured nails.  How she keeps them so kept while being in here for months, I'm not sure.  So, my face was trying its best not to bleed at this moment.  'Nancy.  We want to talk to you.'  The counselor said.  'He pulled my hair.'  She said to me slowly through a tight jaw.  'I'm sorry.'  I said.  Her anger went away and she touched my scratched cheek somberly.  'I'm sorry.'  She mumbled.  I smiled, 'Can you please talk to the counselor?  If you do they will leave you alone.'  She ran her finger down my cheek and it stung really bad, but I did not flinch, no matter how much I wanted to.  'Okay.'  She sat down in the chair next to me and the counselor took a chair in front of us.  Nancy wrapped her arms around my one arm and put her forehead on my shoulder.  I found it funny but not humorous how that was my damaged arm and she did not seem repulsed at all.  'Nancy.  Can you please face me?'  Nancy put her chin on my shoulder and whispered into my ear.  'Why don't you want to?'  I asked.  What she said made me smile.  'What did she say?'  The counselor asked.  'You don't want me to repeat it.'  I said, chuckling.  Nancy started playing with the hem of my shirt and I think she was touching my skin, but I could not really feel.  'Please.'  The counselor pressed on.  'She said she did not want to talk to you because you are a bitch.'  'Does this hurt?'  She whispered to me.  I looked down and saw she had her hand on my arm.  It made me uncomfortable that she was touching me, but I did not want to push her away since I'm the only person she bonded with.  'No.'  I said and looked back at the counselor.  'Do you understand why you are here, Nancy?'  She asked.  Nancy nodded.  'Do you ever... black out?'  She whispered to me again and I relayed it.  'Not really.  Nancy does not black out, Charity and Makenzie do.'  'This is going to take forever if we have to relay this through your stutter.'  The counselor said, annoyed.  'She's an ass.'  Nancy whispered.  I chuckled, 'She told me that that is the only way she is talking... unless you want to get punched.  I mean, look what she does to me, her only friend.  What's she going to do to you?'  The counselor debated that for a second and we continued it our way.  I love winning.  She asked a lot of weird questions and suddenly she pushed away from me.  'Why the fuck did you have my hand in your shirt?'  Makenzie asked.  She overreacted.  Nancy had like half her hand under my sleeve.  She really liked my burn.  Whatever.  'Wow, Percival.'  Makenzie said and walked off.  'Does she do that a lot?'  The counselor asked.  'What?  Faze in and out?  Yes.'  She nodded thoughtfully and left.  I went up to the nurses' station and glared at Rosie (my favorite nurse).  'I'm sorry Percival.'  She said.  She was apologizing for betraying the trust I assumed we had through our light conversation.  'What else are you going to do?  Go to the police?'  I hissed.  She reached over the counter, 'Do you want me to-'  I backed up, 'Don't touch my face.'  'Do you hate me?'  She asked.  'Do you know how long I have been depressed just because of bullying?  And you are telling other kids to do it because you don't want to wait a few days for her to come out be herself?  That's shitty.'  'I was just following orders Percival.  I'm sorry.'  'So, what?  Was talking to me yesterday just to get information from me?  What the hell am I to you?!'  'Percival-'  She started.  'Please, just don't talk to me anymore.'  I walked away.  I had been screwed with enough in my life.  I know I won't be mad at her forever.  I am utterly incapable of holding a grudge.  I have forgiving literally everyone in my life beside myself.  I have forgiven the man who shot my brother, my foster mother who hated my guts, my teachers that constantly called me sick and stupid, and even my father (which causes me much grief when he betrays that).  Dear Mac-N-Cheese and Rosie, even though it's not my fault, I'm sorry.