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Betrayed
Against Amanda’s advice, against everyone’s advice, I took Damien in. He was sober now and needs somewhere to crash until his court thing is out of the way and he can save up enough money for a place. The first few days were quiet. He told me that Gerald and he are now a thing… in detail. ‘What about sex rehab?’ He just smirked and rolled his eyes. I got a feeling in my gut, but I pushed it down. I wish I listened to it. He had been out and about most days, coming back just to sleep and eat. Jake and Monica gave him a side eye, but Jessica was trying really hard to be on my side. I should have listened. After about four or five weeks, I came home and saw two cars parked in front of the house. One was a newer BMW, so I had a suspicion. Everyone’s usually asleep when I come home, but Jessica was on the couch watching a movie. I asked her who was over and she shrugged, saying Damien had two friends over. I could hear them faintly, talking from upstairs. I realized she was probably down
Depravation
Jake called Amanda. I haven’t seen her too much recently, because of the virus and such. We’ve been doing video sessions, but it’s just not the same. I didn’t realize she was here, I should have saw her car but I was out of it when I got home. Jake was on the couch when I got home, laying with Monica, and I beckoned him with a wave. We’ve been doing this at least once every day. He shakes his head and I freeze. I felt so… offended? I instantly got pissed and he spoke up before I could say anything. ‘Go to the back room.’ The spare bedroom with my old bed. I rolled my eyes and went upstairs. The second I saw her sitting on the bed, I felt this huge wave of just sadness. I just broke down instantly, I welled up in tears and my knees got weak and hugged her so tight. I always felt it was a bit ironic that I lost a mother so early in life but was blessed with so many more. Tam, Rosie, and of course Amanda. I feel so ashamed about how I have been acting, but she treats me with more kindness
Default
Damien’s been making really good progress on all accounts. He told me that he was able to leave when he wants, but he needs and address to keep up with his court stuff, which is taking forever. His lawyer had told him a few days ago about a halfway house, and he shrugged, not liking the idea. ‘Gerald offered for me to stay at his family’s house. He got out the other day,’ he said. I immediately got uneasy and shook my head. ‘You’re only known this guy for a month, wait it out before you disappear into his life.’ His eyes locked on mine for a cold second, then he blinked long and looked to the side. He tried to hide his eye roll. ‘I only preach because I have made that mistake. I’m not being hypocritical, I’m trying to help,’ I explain. He looks down at his hands on the table we were sitting and started tearing at his worn-out nails. The hollowness was coming back, the space in my heart only for him. It’s so empty and cold, and I want him to warm it. ‘What about your parents?’ I mumble,
It has been a month...
It has been a month since I signed Damien into therapy and I went to check up on him. He looked like hell, but he promised me the worst was over. He is in individual and group therapy. He’s digging up a bunch of really tough memories, things that just stayed in a jar in the darkest shadow of his mind, as he said. Of course, the things with his grandmother, but also just being an outcast in the younger years. He knew he liked boys since he was very young, like 6 or so, and voicing that lost him many friends. And, grandmother didn’t help. His grandmother’s punishment on top of friends rejecting him out of just pure childish ignorance, plus the terrible reaction his parents has when they discovered the abuse, almost blaming him, sent him down a road that needed many gaps in his heart that to be filled. He did that with as much sex as he could, with as many guys as he could, just to feel like he belonged. God, if he isn’t reading off the script of my own life. He’s gotten a year’s worth
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Uh, how about drawing... you can draw... animals, dogs, cats, characters, people, scenes, water... IDK.
